step-by-step

ice, at eight months, is now learning to walk by the help of the walker. when we put her down she'd look very excited and she'd start to "walk" her way around our living room. but at times when we just lay her down the mat, she'd roll all over it, and make way crawling around even beyond the borders of the mat. it's really heart-warming to see your child learn new things and take her milestones. though, right at this moment she and rain are having cough for almost a week now. there were nights when we can not sleep right because both of them were coughing profusely, alternately and sometimes both at once. truly, the hardest part of being a parent, a mother specifically, is carrying the burden of seeing your children getting sick. i can feel their pain a thousand folds.

Finally Found My Place

Hello, guys! Haven't really updated my page for awhile now.

I am now working as an Accounting Processor in Philippine Ports Aurhority -PMO Tagbilaran. I started on October 20, 2008. Had a call from the Finance OIC Ma'am Felda the night of October 19, 2008 telling me that I had to start the following day. I can still remember how happy i was..

The Pursuit of Happyness

Starring Will Smith, Thandie Newton and Jaden Smith

In The Pursuit of Happyness, Chris Gardner (Will Smith) is a family man struggling to make ends meet. Despite his valiant attempts to help keep the family afloat, the mother (Thandie Newton) of his five-year-old son Christopher (Jaden Christopher Syre Smith) is buckling under the constant strain of financial pressure. No longer able to cope, she reluctantly decides to leave.

Chris, now a single father, continues to doggedly pursue a better-paying job using every sales skill he knows. He lands an internship at a prestigious stock brokerage firm, and although there is no salary, he accepts, hopeful he will end the program with a job and a promising future. Without a financial cushion, Chris and his son are soon evicted from their apartment and forced to sleep in shelters, bus stations, bathrooms or wherever they can find refuge for the night.

Despite his troubles, Chris continues to honor his commitment as a loving and caring father, using the affection and trust his son has placed in him as an impetus to overcome the obstacles he faces.


Columbia Pictures presents in association with Relativity Media an Overbrook Entertainment/Escape Artists Production The Pursuit of Happyness starring Will Smith, Thandie Newton and introducing Jaden Christopher Syre Smith. The film is directed by Gabriele Muccino and written by Steven Conrad. The producers are Todd Black, Jason Blumenthal, Steve Tisch, James Lassiter and Will Smith. The executive producers are Louis D'Esposito, Mark Clayman, David Alper and Teddy Zee. The director of photography is Phedon Papamichael ASC. The production designer is J. Michael Riva. The film editor is Hughes Winborne, A.C.E. The costume designer is Sharen Davis. The music is by Andrea Guerra.

The Pursuit of Happyness has been rated PG-13 by the Motion Picture Association of America for Some Language.

The Pursuit of Happyness was released by Columbia Pictures on December 15, 2006.


Official Movie Site: www.sonypictures.com/movies/thepursuitofhappyness/


for the nth time, i watched the movie of will smith with his son jaden. and for the gazillionth time, i cried. i think this movie is the saddest and happiest movie (at the same time) i've seen so far. when it's will smith, it's gotta be good. with a big PLUS: JADEN SMITH

this movie really touched me. knowing the hardships of a parent, i truly can relate to the story of this father & son. i wish i also have cris' (will smith's character) perseverance and patience. and i wish my kids will be as understanding and loving as cristopher (jaden). it really shows how great a father's love is for his son. i'll never regret watching this movie and i will still watch it over and over. it's a must-see for all parents. and to think, it is based on a true story.

just got unlucky?

i just had a minor accident this morning on my way to work. poor me. the road from our house to the next street corner (approx 100m) is a rough road. and i don't know when will it ever improve. it really looks like a disaster especially on rainy days. when i was about to enter the highway the motorcycle i rode with slipped through the edge of the asphalt road. urgh! so the motorcycle fell down, including poor me, of course. but, the impact wasn't that hard so i was able to immediately get up and get back on the road. some friends who also was on the road stopped by to check if i was alright. of course, physically, i was alright. thank Highness, i only got scratches in my left knee and palm. but, boy, it really is painful, how small it may seem to be. but the most affected part was my ego. it's so embarrassing. eventhough it wasn't a busy and crowded place, some people around (most of them i know) and some passersby came to look at me. it's just that i've been driving in that area for several years now and nothing like this ever happened to me before.

but i guess, if i take it as it is and admit my clumsiness, it wouldn't be that too embarassing anymore. just this morning also i read a quote at the back of a tricycle saying "your presence of mind today is your safety tomorrow". and now, i know why. now i'm going to be less clumsy and more careful in my driving especially on a motorcycle. i'm just glad and thankful that i didn't get big damages and my daughter wasn't riding with. and the worst case scenario would have been -- a big truck coming afterward, at a high speed, and wouldn't expect me to be down there (since i was on a blind curve) and then hit me down. huhuhuhhuh... no, no, no, no! thank God, so much, "that" didn't happen.

i think this incident was a test for me. i was planning to go to PPA to submit a job application. and there are really instances wherein some things must happen to test our worthiness for something good from God. so we must make ourselves worthy of His blessings. i just pray that i have proven myself worthy to Him since i already have successfully submitted my portfolio as planned.

i guess, the lesson for this is that there are still a lot in life that we have to be thankful for. and life is a precious gift from God so we must value it and take care of it. we definitely have one life and we do not know when it's going to be taken away from us. many are relying on us --not just our hardwork but most definitely also our safety and well-being. we must always journey through life with God because only He has the power to save us and keep ous away from evil.

so was i unlucky?

NO.

i was blessed.

what keeps me busy when i'm not busy

Jane's Hotel - Family Hero



Click here to play this game

never gonna stop missing you

it's has been several months already. but i still cannot bear the fact that she' gone forever. today is supposedly her 12th birthday. i can still remember her first birthday with us last year.

from the day she stepped in our home, i already accepted her as part of the family. i have decided to help her fulfill her dreams. she wanted to be a nurse. i'd provide her with a better life with us because i know it has been difficult for her as a child. she never really had the family she wanted and i know i can give it to her.

she is jerelyn. we call her "hunny". she is my cousin's daughter. she could have already been in the 6th grade this year. their family story is a bit complicated. and i never really heard her complain. i know that she is a very nice girl. she passed away may 1, 2008. she died of ITP. it was a sudden death. it was only less than a month since we let her checked up by a doctor.

she had been with us for almost two years. she came to live with us through her mother's request may 2006. but even with our short time together, she already had become part of the family. she had helped us a lot in our home. doing some chores and helping me out with rain. i never neglected her with anything that she needs. i treated her like my own child. i've always shown her that i care for her. and i feel really sorry because i feel that what i have shown her was not enough to make her life better. that i never really reached out to her and let her feel that i do love her as my own child. i know i still have so much to give her, more than material things. i know she still needed so much more. i never expected she'd be away that soon. i had plans for her future. i thought she'd always be with us. i have so many regrets on how i treated her. i feel that i was too wicked on her specially during my pregnancy. she was afraid to make mistakes because she knew i'd scold her. it was like i took life's negativities on her and yet she never complained. she stood by me. and helped me all throughout. she knew i wasn't in my right state, she knew i had difficulties, she knew i needed her. and i can't stand the fact that it's all gone now. she's gone now. and never to return. and i've nothing to do with it. and i'd spend my whole life regretting every bad word i've said to her. i feel i was so evil. like i'm the villain in her story. like i never loved her that much. but i do. i always will. i don't know if she knows it. there's no way that i can tell or show her now. she is gone. she's gone.

i have promised her one time when i visited her that it's going to be different when she comes home from the hospital. i will not scold her anymore and that she still had to fulfill her dreams to go to college and i'll help her. i also told her that she has to get well so that she can go home because rain is already asking about her, that they're going to attend "flores de mayo", and the school year is about to begin. eventhough she was in comatose, i knew she heard me. my cousin(her aunt) was also there and we both were crying and i saw hunny getting teary-eyed also. when i asked her if she understood me, she moved and nodded a bit. right then, i thought, everything's gonna be just fine. her being gone never really occurred in my mind.

my 14-year old sister-in-law who also comes in the house everyday to do the housekeeping told me on hunny's wake that hunny has been feeling not well since february this year. she had been complaining on her headache and that she didn't want me to know it. so it was only then that my sis-in-law told me. i was frozen when i heard that. i blamed everything on me.why haven't she told me? why? was i not that deserving to know the truth? am i that scary? i really could not get it.

and i wasn't able to be with her on her deathbed because i was helping out at my parents' house during the Tagbilaran feast day. i was planning to go that day as i've always visited her everyday since she was admitted at the hospital. though her mother and my other cousin(her aunt) was taking charge of her at the hospital --also in finding for blood donors and buying medicines and other things she needed, i've always been keeping track of things, how she's doing and finding funds to finance her medicines and expenses. i had to do my part even just through texting and contacting people because i can't run off that easily because i just gave birth (april 9) with my second child. i would hear people saying to just give up because we'd just be wasting our effort and money because her sickness has a very little chance of cure. upon hearing this kind of things, at first, i'd get weak and would cry really hard, but i can't just give up because they said so. i will do whatever it takes to save her. i can't imagine loosing her. it never really occurred to me because i've always thought that she'd get well soon. i never accepted the possibility that she'd be gone. that day (may 1) in the afternoon, when i was about to visit her (after planning to do so all day), i received a text message stating the saddest news in my entire life. i cried really hard. everybody was asking me why? but i assume they already know why. i never experienced crying that way ever before. i never have felt that kind of pain and sorrow. but when rain saw me crying, she cried as well. so i tried to relax and kept calm. though, i can felt really painful inside. but when i see my kids, i just can't breakdown and cry. i know they still need me, so i decided to stay firm. though, there are times when i can't help it, i just cry for a while and then hold back.

after few months, i still cannot get over the fact that she's gone. and i believe i never will. i just can't understand the fact of death. it has always been my greatest fear. though, i know the place where she is right now is much much better than what we have here. my sorrows and regrets are not for her, but for myself. my life is now blended with sorrow. i know there will be so much more to come, more pains and still more joys, but never will this sorrow ever leave. i will always be sorrowful for the rest of my life. i may smile or laugh out loud facing the whole world. but deep inside of me there is a very dark room wondering the occurrences in my life. and i never will discover the mystery of it.

Ice on YouTube

Rain on YouTube

ice is beginning to eat solid food

http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com

ice has just turned 5 months last sept 9. so we started giving her solid food in addition to milk. we milled the rice so it becomes like a rice powder or something. we cook it into a very soft porridge and mix some mashed vegies, egg, or flaked fish. we feed her solid food twice a day at the moment, in the morning and during lunch. we also occasionally give her soft biscuits for her to munch sometimes to avoid her from thumbsucking instead. i am the one who gives her her breakfast before i go to work. i get amused whenever i feed her. she gets excited whenever she sees the spoon. she swallows the food quickly. but we try to control the food we give her because her stomach still does not digest that well.

maybe, we have done something wrong in training rain to eat that caused her to become a picky-eater. i have not been that keen on her diet before. or maybe that's just the way she is. but either way, i am trying to get facts on children diet to do it right with ice this time.

i have bumped into a nice website www.wholesomebabyfood.com on baby diet and found this.

here's what i learned and intend to give her. for more about this, click here

Four to Six (4-6) Months old Try mixing together the foods that you have already introduced without allergies or reactions. Rice Cereal mixed with Bananas for example.

CEREALS Rice Barley Oat

FRUITS Apples Bananas Pears Avocado

VEGGIES Sweet Potatoes Acorn/Butternut Squash Green Beans

rain's favorite food

rain as i have said in my previous blog is a picky-eater. but there are times when she eats well especially if i serve her with foods that she likes. she loves spaghetti. when we dine in fast foods, that's what she always asks me to order for her. she also loves fried chicken, specifically buttered chicken. she also loves pizza. when we order hawaiian pizza, she eats it with a certain procedure. first, she eats the ham. then, the pineapple chunks. after that is the sauce. and lastly, the crust. amusing, isn't it? but that's the way she eats pizza.

rain as a child(proud to say) loves to eat veggies. believe it or not. it is so easy to feed her when we serve her with veggies, especially vegetable soup. she loves "okra" the most. she also likes to eat beans and leafy vegetables. she eats squash only occasionally. when she was still below 2 years old, she had a vitamin A "overdose". shame on me, it was because i used to serve her with mashed squash and carrots almost every meal. i really didn't know that it was not the right thing to do. fortunately, she didn't get weak or sick. but her skin turned yellowish. the friend doctor said that it was due to excessive vitamin A in her body. so we stopped giving her squash and carrots. fortunately, thank God, the yellowish color of her skin disappeared eventually.

normally, craving for sweets and "junk foods" is inevitable for a child. and rain has it too. but she has been (more than once) diagnosed with UTI. so we'd always tell her that "junk foods" are not good for her body, she might be sent to the doctor again, and be injected, and it would really hurt, and so on. fortunately, she'd always listen, and would instead ask for cookies or bread. about candies, we give her some at times, but not always, just as a reward maybe. but as much as possible, we do not let her see candies at home. but when we go to the grocery store, she'd ask for something sweet (chocolate, lollipop, cotton candy, or whatever). thinking rain usually acts like an adult, i try to compromise and negotiate with her in an adult way. like, "rain, how about we buy you milk instead of this", "hey, maybe this is much better", "oh no, the dentist says you cannot always eat sweets, she might pull all your teeth", and many more.


grandpa: the spoiler
in one of the photos above, she was eating corn, which she also loves to eat. her grandpa(my dad) always buys her boiled corn. he is the one who spoils her the most, considering rain being his first granddaughter. she gives her practically "everything" she asks from him. which, giving us (her parents) a difficult time to refuse whatever she asks from us. when this happens, she'd always say, "alright, i'll tell grandpa". her grandpa knows what she likes to eat. and he loves to see her indulge in some food she really likes. he always buys her peanut butter, peanuts, and chocolates. whenever they go to the grocery store, the cart would be full of rain's favorite foods, including sweets and "junk foods". but now, maybe he had realized what his spoiling was causing her, so he kinda toned down a little. now they wouldn't go to the mall that often. or maybe, he had gotten bankrupt because of her (tsk-tsk-tsk...hahaha). but still and always, he never fails to show rain how much he loves her. and rain obviously has a special affection for her grandpa. i really do appreciate their relationship. only rain could tame down "the great eduardo".

growing children

tn
time indeed travels fast. rain is now three years old. she already knows how to do things in her own way. actually, she always wants things her way. i am proud of her for that. but she's just a child, she can't do all things right. i am still figuring out the right way(s) to make her understand things. it surely does require various techniques to get her to follow. in my case, i treat her like an adult, because believe me, she really thinks she is, already.

rain is a picky-eater. it really is hard to feed her most of the times. during her younger years, we try to entertain her to let her eat, to persuade her to eat. but when she got to learn to play around, it really is very hard to follow her to feed her. and when you let her stay in one place to feed her, it'll take minutes for her to swallow whatever is on her mouth. there even were times when i force-feed her. i try to scare her off or something. but, she's just a child and nobody wants a crying little child. it makes me hate myself. sometimes, we give her candy to encourage her to chew and then swallow. now, we give her a vitamin supplement to boost her appetite. i think it works a little. though, still she's not too graceful in eating breakfast. but it gets better during lunchtime and dinner. particularly during dinner, when the three of us (including his father) will eat together in the table, she seems to show interest on eating. especially when we include her in the conversation and give her some "inspiring words on eating well". this way, i get to relax a little, knowing that she stands just on the slim line of the normal weight (12 kg). but our friend, who is a doctor, says that its better that way than have her being obese or overweight considering she is a girl.

as a growing child, rain always like to play around. and she also wants to do things that adults normally do. like washing the clothes, washing the dishes and more. i always stop her to do all these things because i worry she might get colds. i never want my kids to get sick. kids getting sick is a very heavy burden to bear. it makes me feel sick a hundred times more.

being a young mom, it is hard to discipline a child. especially, in my case that i still haven't established that kind of patience that good parents normally have. i don't feel that i am good at disciplining her. but i am trying to learn the right way. i hate it when i scold her because it's like hurting myself a thousand folds back. i try to tell her calmly but sometimes it really doesn't work. it's really hard to get her to listen, specially when she's busy doing something important (at least, for her). sometimes, it requires me to raise my voice so i can get her attention. i don't want to raise my voice, but i want her to grow up right.

most of the times she cries if what she wants does not happen. it takes a lot of explaining and compromising to get her to understand the case. i guess (and i hope) these are all just normal things for a growing child. in her case, she is used to having everything the way she wants it. this is because she is our first child. she is also the first granddaughter of both our parents. and it was long before she had a sister or a cousin. during this time, all attention is towards her alone. and she gets everything that she wanted.

don't get this wrong. she is a nice child most of the times. but maybe it's just normal for a child. she is still a child. i always try to remind myself that. and she still needs more growth, physically and emotionally. so i guess, i'll just have to take my time and enjoy every moment of her young years. i know she won't be this young forever. she'll grow up, and we definitely have something to do with what she will be when she grows up. my role as a mother is a very critical and significant thing in her growing up. so i must try my best to be the best mother that i can be. with the Lord's guidance i know i can cope up.

ice is learning to crawl

today, on her fifth month, i saw ice turn around on her own. i was so amazed to see her doing something new. few weeks from now, she's going to learn to crawl. i am anticipating for that moment. i am so proud of her!

my eldest daughter

my eldest daughter "rain".

she was born 12th of may 2005. for me, she came in the right time with the right reasons. she made everything right around my life. there had been a lot of changes. my life came into sense. and my relationship with my husband became significant,not just for the two of us, but for the people around us.

on the day of my labor. early morning that day,me and my husband had our daily walking exercise. when we got home, i noticed that i had a small red spot. so i quickly told my husband. we actually did not panic for we already were expecting it to happen that week and we already know of the labor signs.

twice the joy

my second child "ice".

she was born april 9 of this year. we named her denzelle gabriela. denzelle is a mixture of my name and my husband's(eden & noel). we just added the letter z. i was the only one who made up this name actually, my husband just approved. i also added gabriela since it was the day filipinos yearly celebrate the "araw ng kagitingan". coincidentally, it was the same day of the year 2000 when noel and i began our relationship.

my labor. at twelve midnight of april 7, i had spotting. april 8, we stayed the whole day in my mom's house so she could send us to the hospital whenever i feel signs of pain. at 6pm we went to the hospital, though i have not felt any pain yet. we decided it would be best if we settle to the hospital and wait there. we checked in tagbilaran city maternity and peuriculture center. the opening of the cervix was still 2cm so we still had to stay at the private room. they told us that if gets wider and i can feel continuous pain in the abdomen, then i can proceed to the labor room. my husband and my cousin-in-law (ate bebie) was with me the whole time. and rain, my eldest daughter also stayed for the night with us at the hospital (we can't stand to leave her at home without mommy and daddy). it's good that the hospital staff is not that strict about having kids around. during that night, noel and ate bebie gave me two uncooked native eggs(ew!), "salabat" or ginger tea, and would not allow me to eat heavy meals. they also rubbed "a wonder oil" in my tummy. they said, "to make the delivery easy".

april 9, 5am, the opening of the cervix was already 6cm. this time, the pain is no longer tolerable so we informed the attendants. i was admitted to the labor room. when i entered the labor room, there were two other women who were also having their labor. the other one looked very calm and relaxed( good for her). but the other lady, was obviously having a difficult and painful time out there. but i did not let that get into my nerves. i stayed calm, at least just for a few minutes or so. one nurse attended for me and assisted me through my labor. after few minutes, the pains kept coming into shorter intervals. at 10am, there was already a full dilation of the cervix so i was sent to the delivery room. boy, it was the painfullest moment ever.

at exactly 10:42am my daughter "ice" came out of this world. i felt overjoyed, not just because all the pain just disappeared in an instant, also because i saw an angel, she was crying,yes, but it sounded like music. i was wide awake. i saw her being cleansed and dressed by the nurses. oh, that moment was so heavenly. success.. fulfilment.. how could have been something so good become real, and just right here in front of me. i have been blessed. someone above must really love me this much to have sent me such precious thing. i never thought i'd deserve to be blessed like this.

memoirs of an expectant mother

I was already two months delayed with my menstruation, so my husband and I bought a pregnancy test kit, w bought two. I did it with him and the results showed positive, we were a bit thrilled but not shocked.
Being in the period of pregnancy is not easy. I experienced 4-month long nausea, morning sickness, mood swings, vomiting, and all that... But then, after the first trimester, these symptoms seem to loosen up. But still, I had muscle cramps every now and then, specially in the dawn and when the weather is so cold.

life after the wedding

immediately after the wedding,

My hubby...

WARNING: Very cheesy contents included in the writing below.

This is a picture of me and my husband when we went to the Loboc Crus-Dako, Bohol.. We went there to do our annual walk to the hills where there are stations for the "Way of the Cross". It is like our sacrifice and also is a time to reflect and recollect. It really feels good to do this once in a while, specially if you do it with your partner. We have been doing this even before we were together, when we were still co-members of a youth organization.

My husband's name is Noel Pilayre. Like me, he lives in Dampas District, Tagbilaran City. I knew him since childhood. But, we never were playmates because he was already adolescent when I started to play around. He is 9 years older than me. I only started to get along with him when I became active in the youth organization of our chapel, Divine Mercy Chapel. I never even thought that we'd complement each other...

How it all started?

Well, we started out as friends. We never planned to be more than friends. When we became friends, we were so close..that he knows almost everything about me. I treated him like my kuya. I ask for his advice whenever I need them. We always hang-out along with our other friends. He even knows who among our male friends are hitting on me and who are my crushes. We were so comfortable with each other. We never knew that it would lead us somewhere. Even at his age that time, I never found or even heard of him having any relationship with others. I was so naive not to think of anything odd with it. I just thought he might just be very choosy or something. I, too, at my age that time of 16, never had a serious relationship with others. I knew that this man really is someone special to me and hi definitely has a place inmy heart. Every time, I was with him , there's a feeling of excitement that I never felt before to anybody. I knew there's really something different about this guy. I also knew there is a different kind of understanding between the two of us that I just cannot put into words. But, still we were just contented with what we had that time.

One time, when we were walking with our other friends on the way to the chapel to have our meeting, I told him that one male friend of ours is trying to make a move to get to me. I told him that that man, (who, by the way, had just broken up with his previous girlfriend) told me that I was the one he actually liked but then that girl did the first move and led him on. I didn't know if it was true or not, but I told him (my husband) that I totally do not believe the other man. In fact, I was a bit disappointed with his actions. What am I? A fool? Did he think I was born centuries ago?

Anyway, Noel never commented anything harsh about that man or anything. He tried to be neutral since the other man was a mutual friend of ours. To cut the story short, I somehow suddenly asked him the trigger question... "Why are you so good at giving advice when as far as I know you haven't really had a serious relationship with anybody?" He told me that he actually has someone who he keeps in his heart but he was still hesitating to pursue her because there are some circumstances that tells him it's not yet the time for them. I asked him, why the wait? If you really love her that much then you tell her. I told him that life is short and we don't know what happens next. Suddenly, he began to describe "that girl". There's a certain feeling within me that I knew who that girl was (modesty aside, of course).

To cut the cheesy story short, he was then, (I guess we could say) "forced by the situation" to finally tell me what the name of that girl was. And guess who, of course, my name, why not! I don't know what happened, but he was also "forced" to say those three little words, out loud, three times. And, take note, while we were on the road, walking.

One week after,we went to the Loboc-Cruz Dako as we always do every year. This was the promised day that I was supposed to give my answer. Yes, that soon.. We climbed up the hill as part of our sacrifice for the Holy Week. But then, I was not able to tell him yet, I don't know what came into my mind, maybe I just don't want to spoil the moment of reflectiona nd recollection..I guess. I just told him that I do like him but I'm still not ready for a steady relationship. His reaction was just fine, although I know he was disappointed.

The day after, it was a Sunday, we went to mass at our chapel. After the mass, one friend of ours invited us to watch a movie that afternoon. I answered yes cause I thought there are many of us to go. But then, it came out that there were only three of us, there was I, our friend and him, of course. When we reached to the theater, the other friend of ours was in fact meeting up with his girlfriend also. So, it was only the two of us to watch the movie.