CAN

this video really sends me extreme emotions of happiness, guilt and hope (all at once). before, i never really knew the essence of my existence and the reason why i must go on. i kept complaining and asking for something more.

this video is a story of a father and son. who, despite of all the constraints and obstacles they have in order to live a life that others might say as normal, obviously managed to have a positive approach in dealing with their circumstances.

i have been moved, shaken, and even pinched by this film. it gave a lot of realizations in my life. that whatever circumstances i may have in my life right now, it actually isn't a problem or a burden at all. in fact, it is a privilege to prove myself and release the inner strength that i truly have inside of me ever before i was born.

i began to reflect on my relationships. first, was with my relationship with my Father in Heaven. then, my relationship with my kids, my family and those people i claim that i care for and i love.

the father in this film, is just an ordinary man, with ordinary skills and emotions. but he made it. he has proven his love to his son through his sacrifices. and so i asked, there's no reason that I CAN'T. what more does, my Father in Heaven, who's so powerful and has the greatest love of all.

this film gave me hope. that i know I CAN truly, wholeheartedly, without any doubt claim and believe that my Father in Heaven will not leave me and always guide me along my journey. He is the one driving my life, carrying me in times of trouble, and keeping me right in track. no matter how long, how narrow or steep the road is, everything will just come out fine and we will surely reach the finish line. all i have to do is put my Trust in Him and remain strong in love and Faith.

i know i am like the son, who cannot move on my own, who must always depend on my father. because my victory also depends in Him and my faith in Him. all i want to do now is go back to His feet, and claim that i have wronged Him, that i forgot how He loves me and thought i could make it on my own.

Lord, now i claim. i am Your daughter. i need You. I place all my Trust in You. I let You take over Lord. and with my Faith, i know...

I CAN.

Ice is Turning One

another miracle has come our way.

ice is turning one this april 9, 2009. it falls on a maundy thursday. so we are planning on a more discreet celebration with respect to the lenten season. but still it is such a great blessing that ice has finally reached 1 year old. anyways, in the Bible, the Last Supper was on a thursday and it was supposed to be the time for the "Passover" where the jews would have a feast in their tables in celebration to the time when the Lord saved the Israelites from the slavery of Egypt. the first year of a child definitely is not easy --considering the adjustment, teething, walking developments of a child. it definitely is a big reason to celebrate.

for the dinner menu. we are planning to serve mostly seafoods, like shrimp, crabs and squid. there is gonna be seafood pancit, soup, breaded chicken, fish sweet n sour, and chao pat chin. i have my officemate as chef assigned for that time (thanks, ate bebie!). most of my other officemates say that she really cooks well. well, we'll see. lols. but i actually already had the pleasure of indulging into her dishes in the office, and they made everyone happy. so it's gonna be a great dinner i am pretty sure. but my husband plans on serving the legendary "Lechon" (Roast Pig) for that day. i mean why not, right? as a form of sacrifice. for dessert, i plan on making ube jam, leche flan, buko pandan, fruit salad and birthday cake (of course).

i may also set a simple kid's party in the afternoon. to entertain ice. she likes to see lots of other kids around her. causing her to be restless at times. wanting to follow the other kids around (and the watcher hold and follow her, lols). but it's ok, it's her birhtday!

this is definitely a great time to give thanks so the Lord for the wonderful blessing of life and health to ice and the whole family. and a perfect time to share this happiness to loved ones.

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ICE!!!

Daddy, Mommy and Ate Rain loves u soooo much!

we all love you!

Ice Finally Had Teeth

In the morning of March 23, 2009, few days before her first birthday, i noticed that ice's upper gums are turning into white. i couldn't say if it was teeth that time coz it could also be just traces of milk she drank. but when i went home in the evening, her teeth appeared. there were three of them. but the other one is still not very clear.

i know that this development is quite late than the other kids. but i always say what is the rush. i think that it's better this way on her latter months so that she won't have a hard time dealing with teething symptoms and all. we all know how hard teething could be for a child at times.

Smilestones

i really admire the tv ad featuring Kris Aquino and her son with James Yap, baby James. this is about getting a motherly smile from witnessing the milestones of your baby. i really can relate to this, especially as i watch my second daughter, ice, learn lots of new things at ten months.

now, she can respond if we tell her to clap hands, say "bye-bye" and when she hears music she moves her hands with the sound as if dancing into the tune. she also is developing her motor skills as she is now very active in moving around crawling. she can now also walk her way as we put her in a walker or hold and guide her ourselves. i can say that ice is a happy baby because she really smiles and laughs back if we try to tease her. she can also follow few syllables that we speak like, papa (her first word), mama, tata (for ate) and several others. i am also very contented to say that she is not hard to feed. she eats well as compared to her ate rain who is a picky-moody eater.

as i am writing all these, i can say to you that i am carrying a very sweet smile. being a mother, is really tough and challenging. but it's the only thing that makes me feel complete and i've never been happy & contented my whole life. my two daughters give me so much joy like never before. and i know i will always have a smile as long as i watch my kids grow and take their milestones. that's why it's called...

smilestones.

step-by-step

ice, at eight months, is now learning to walk by the help of the walker. when we put her down she'd look very excited and she'd start to "walk" her way around our living room. but at times when we just lay her down the mat, she'd roll all over it, and make way crawling around even beyond the borders of the mat. it's really heart-warming to see your child learn new things and take her milestones. though, right at this moment she and rain are having cough for almost a week now. there were nights when we can not sleep right because both of them were coughing profusely, alternately and sometimes both at once. truly, the hardest part of being a parent, a mother specifically, is carrying the burden of seeing your children getting sick. i can feel their pain a thousand folds.

Finally Found My Place

Hello, guys! Haven't really updated my page for awhile now.

I am now working as an Accounting Processor in Philippine Ports Aurhority -PMO Tagbilaran. I started on October 20, 2008. Had a call from the Finance OIC Ma'am Felda the night of October 19, 2008 telling me that I had to start the following day. I can still remember how happy i was..

The Pursuit of Happyness

Starring Will Smith, Thandie Newton and Jaden Smith

In The Pursuit of Happyness, Chris Gardner (Will Smith) is a family man struggling to make ends meet. Despite his valiant attempts to help keep the family afloat, the mother (Thandie Newton) of his five-year-old son Christopher (Jaden Christopher Syre Smith) is buckling under the constant strain of financial pressure. No longer able to cope, she reluctantly decides to leave.

Chris, now a single father, continues to doggedly pursue a better-paying job using every sales skill he knows. He lands an internship at a prestigious stock brokerage firm, and although there is no salary, he accepts, hopeful he will end the program with a job and a promising future. Without a financial cushion, Chris and his son are soon evicted from their apartment and forced to sleep in shelters, bus stations, bathrooms or wherever they can find refuge for the night.

Despite his troubles, Chris continues to honor his commitment as a loving and caring father, using the affection and trust his son has placed in him as an impetus to overcome the obstacles he faces.


Columbia Pictures presents in association with Relativity Media an Overbrook Entertainment/Escape Artists Production The Pursuit of Happyness starring Will Smith, Thandie Newton and introducing Jaden Christopher Syre Smith. The film is directed by Gabriele Muccino and written by Steven Conrad. The producers are Todd Black, Jason Blumenthal, Steve Tisch, James Lassiter and Will Smith. The executive producers are Louis D'Esposito, Mark Clayman, David Alper and Teddy Zee. The director of photography is Phedon Papamichael ASC. The production designer is J. Michael Riva. The film editor is Hughes Winborne, A.C.E. The costume designer is Sharen Davis. The music is by Andrea Guerra.

The Pursuit of Happyness has been rated PG-13 by the Motion Picture Association of America for Some Language.

The Pursuit of Happyness was released by Columbia Pictures on December 15, 2006.


Official Movie Site: www.sonypictures.com/movies/thepursuitofhappyness/


for the nth time, i watched the movie of will smith with his son jaden. and for the gazillionth time, i cried. i think this movie is the saddest and happiest movie (at the same time) i've seen so far. when it's will smith, it's gotta be good. with a big PLUS: JADEN SMITH

this movie really touched me. knowing the hardships of a parent, i truly can relate to the story of this father & son. i wish i also have cris' (will smith's character) perseverance and patience. and i wish my kids will be as understanding and loving as cristopher (jaden). it really shows how great a father's love is for his son. i'll never regret watching this movie and i will still watch it over and over. it's a must-see for all parents. and to think, it is based on a true story.

just got unlucky?

i just had a minor accident this morning on my way to work. poor me. the road from our house to the next street corner (approx 100m) is a rough road. and i don't know when will it ever improve. it really looks like a disaster especially on rainy days. when i was about to enter the highway the motorcycle i rode with slipped through the edge of the asphalt road. urgh! so the motorcycle fell down, including poor me, of course. but, the impact wasn't that hard so i was able to immediately get up and get back on the road. some friends who also was on the road stopped by to check if i was alright. of course, physically, i was alright. thank Highness, i only got scratches in my left knee and palm. but, boy, it really is painful, how small it may seem to be. but the most affected part was my ego. it's so embarrassing. eventhough it wasn't a busy and crowded place, some people around (most of them i know) and some passersby came to look at me. it's just that i've been driving in that area for several years now and nothing like this ever happened to me before.

but i guess, if i take it as it is and admit my clumsiness, it wouldn't be that too embarassing anymore. just this morning also i read a quote at the back of a tricycle saying "your presence of mind today is your safety tomorrow". and now, i know why. now i'm going to be less clumsy and more careful in my driving especially on a motorcycle. i'm just glad and thankful that i didn't get big damages and my daughter wasn't riding with. and the worst case scenario would have been -- a big truck coming afterward, at a high speed, and wouldn't expect me to be down there (since i was on a blind curve) and then hit me down. huhuhuhhuh... no, no, no, no! thank God, so much, "that" didn't happen.

i think this incident was a test for me. i was planning to go to PPA to submit a job application. and there are really instances wherein some things must happen to test our worthiness for something good from God. so we must make ourselves worthy of His blessings. i just pray that i have proven myself worthy to Him since i already have successfully submitted my portfolio as planned.

i guess, the lesson for this is that there are still a lot in life that we have to be thankful for. and life is a precious gift from God so we must value it and take care of it. we definitely have one life and we do not know when it's going to be taken away from us. many are relying on us --not just our hardwork but most definitely also our safety and well-being. we must always journey through life with God because only He has the power to save us and keep ous away from evil.

so was i unlucky?

NO.

i was blessed.

what keeps me busy when i'm not busy

Jane's Hotel - Family Hero



Click here to play this game

never gonna stop missing you

it's has been several months already. but i still cannot bear the fact that she' gone forever. today is supposedly her 12th birthday. i can still remember her first birthday with us last year.

from the day she stepped in our home, i already accepted her as part of the family. i have decided to help her fulfill her dreams. she wanted to be a nurse. i'd provide her with a better life with us because i know it has been difficult for her as a child. she never really had the family she wanted and i know i can give it to her.

she is jerelyn. we call her "hunny". she is my cousin's daughter. she could have already been in the 6th grade this year. their family story is a bit complicated. and i never really heard her complain. i know that she is a very nice girl. she passed away may 1, 2008. she died of ITP. it was a sudden death. it was only less than a month since we let her checked up by a doctor.

she had been with us for almost two years. she came to live with us through her mother's request may 2006. but even with our short time together, she already had become part of the family. she had helped us a lot in our home. doing some chores and helping me out with rain. i never neglected her with anything that she needs. i treated her like my own child. i've always shown her that i care for her. and i feel really sorry because i feel that what i have shown her was not enough to make her life better. that i never really reached out to her and let her feel that i do love her as my own child. i know i still have so much to give her, more than material things. i know she still needed so much more. i never expected she'd be away that soon. i had plans for her future. i thought she'd always be with us. i have so many regrets on how i treated her. i feel that i was too wicked on her specially during my pregnancy. she was afraid to make mistakes because she knew i'd scold her. it was like i took life's negativities on her and yet she never complained. she stood by me. and helped me all throughout. she knew i wasn't in my right state, she knew i had difficulties, she knew i needed her. and i can't stand the fact that it's all gone now. she's gone now. and never to return. and i've nothing to do with it. and i'd spend my whole life regretting every bad word i've said to her. i feel i was so evil. like i'm the villain in her story. like i never loved her that much. but i do. i always will. i don't know if she knows it. there's no way that i can tell or show her now. she is gone. she's gone.

i have promised her one time when i visited her that it's going to be different when she comes home from the hospital. i will not scold her anymore and that she still had to fulfill her dreams to go to college and i'll help her. i also told her that she has to get well so that she can go home because rain is already asking about her, that they're going to attend "flores de mayo", and the school year is about to begin. eventhough she was in comatose, i knew she heard me. my cousin(her aunt) was also there and we both were crying and i saw hunny getting teary-eyed also. when i asked her if she understood me, she moved and nodded a bit. right then, i thought, everything's gonna be just fine. her being gone never really occurred in my mind.

my 14-year old sister-in-law who also comes in the house everyday to do the housekeeping told me on hunny's wake that hunny has been feeling not well since february this year. she had been complaining on her headache and that she didn't want me to know it. so it was only then that my sis-in-law told me. i was frozen when i heard that. i blamed everything on me.why haven't she told me? why? was i not that deserving to know the truth? am i that scary? i really could not get it.

and i wasn't able to be with her on her deathbed because i was helping out at my parents' house during the Tagbilaran feast day. i was planning to go that day as i've always visited her everyday since she was admitted at the hospital. though her mother and my other cousin(her aunt) was taking charge of her at the hospital --also in finding for blood donors and buying medicines and other things she needed, i've always been keeping track of things, how she's doing and finding funds to finance her medicines and expenses. i had to do my part even just through texting and contacting people because i can't run off that easily because i just gave birth (april 9) with my second child. i would hear people saying to just give up because we'd just be wasting our effort and money because her sickness has a very little chance of cure. upon hearing this kind of things, at first, i'd get weak and would cry really hard, but i can't just give up because they said so. i will do whatever it takes to save her. i can't imagine loosing her. it never really occurred to me because i've always thought that she'd get well soon. i never accepted the possibility that she'd be gone. that day (may 1) in the afternoon, when i was about to visit her (after planning to do so all day), i received a text message stating the saddest news in my entire life. i cried really hard. everybody was asking me why? but i assume they already know why. i never experienced crying that way ever before. i never have felt that kind of pain and sorrow. but when rain saw me crying, she cried as well. so i tried to relax and kept calm. though, i can felt really painful inside. but when i see my kids, i just can't breakdown and cry. i know they still need me, so i decided to stay firm. though, there are times when i can't help it, i just cry for a while and then hold back.

after few months, i still cannot get over the fact that she's gone. and i believe i never will. i just can't understand the fact of death. it has always been my greatest fear. though, i know the place where she is right now is much much better than what we have here. my sorrows and regrets are not for her, but for myself. my life is now blended with sorrow. i know there will be so much more to come, more pains and still more joys, but never will this sorrow ever leave. i will always be sorrowful for the rest of my life. i may smile or laugh out loud facing the whole world. but deep inside of me there is a very dark room wondering the occurrences in my life. and i never will discover the mystery of it.